Post-traumatic stress disorder manifests in many forms. In children who experience trauma, reactions may include difficulty sleeping, anxiety, repeatedly reenacting the traumatic event, playing games related to the trauma, and becoming overly clingy.
In adulthood, these symptoms may transform or manifest differently—as irritability or suspicion. Yet Tang Feiliu discovered that His Grace the Duke had almost completely suppressed and compartmentalized this memory. Only after Tang Feiliu established an intimate bond with him did it unlock—like a key—everything buried within the Duke, including the trauma that had never truly faded.
Even if Edward himself remained unaware of it.
Tang Feiliu sensed it: Edward's clinginess bordered on excessive, even... pathological. Sometimes, when Tang Feiliu was busy making plans, he'd feel something was off. Usually, at those moments, he'd see the Duke desperately trying to appear indifferent, yet still showing an excessive concern for him.
Edward himself remained utterly unaware. That look in his eyes unsettled Tang Feiliu, yet Tang Feiliu could never quite find the right words to describe his unease. Until one morning, Tang Feiliu rummaged through the wardrobe and pulled out a pure white, light and airy vintage outfit... While elderly nobles still wore such garments, most young people had long rejected these elaborate, costly, and impractical old-fashioned robes. This particular robe, however, was exquisitely crafted from luxurious fabric. Though pure white, its embroidery and workmanship were incredibly intricate, clearly indicating a hefty price tag. Finding it quietly placed in his wardrobe, Tang Feiliu assumed it was a gift from His Grace the Duke—the Duke had always had such a penchant. Excitedly slipping it on, Tang Feiliu gazed at the reflection in the mercury mirror: a fair-haired, blue-eyed youth clad in pristine white robes... A sudden sense of déjà vu washed over him.
He spun around, certain now—all he needed were wings, and he could pass as an angel from a religious painting!!!
What kind of bizarre hobby is this guy into?!
As Tang Feiliu pondered his boyfriend's obsession with role-playing, the latter had already come upstairs to find him, having noticed he hadn't come down in nearly fifteen minutes. When Edward pushed open the door, he had initially called out Tang Feiliu's name softly, full of affection, probably assuming he'd rolled over for a nap. But upon entering the room, he saw Tang Feiliu bathed in morning light, clad in a white robe. Behind him stretched a large expanse of transparent glass windows, reflecting a garden bursting with flowers, with distant emerald trees and birds in flight... The scene was utterly sacred, like a divine revelation painted across the world.
Tang Feiliu's gaze toward Edward shifted instantly, though Edward himself seemed oblivious. Turning around, Tang Feiliu deliberately smiled and said, "Hey, Edward, did you hide my wings?"
Then, Tang Feiliu saw Edward's expression turn to one of terror and fury.
Tang Feiliu sensed something was amiss, yet Edward strode forward and pulled him into a tight embrace. It was a defensive posture, as if shielding Tang Feiliu from harm. This time, Tang Feiliu was certain. He wrapped his arms around Edward in return. The gesture made Edward pause. Tang Feiliu gently patted Edward's back and whispered softly, " Edward, Edward, I'm here. I'm here..."
As Edward's muscles relaxed completely and his senses returned, he looked down to meet Tang Feiliu's serious gaze. Tang Feiliu studied him intently and asked softly, "...Would you mind telling me what you're afraid of?"
"What?" Edward replied instinctively. "I'm not afraid of anything..."
Good, Tang Feiliu exhaled, reminding himself to take it slow, take it slow. This wasn't like chatting with friends. In Edward's mind, there was no such thing as post-traumatic stress, and he hadn't realized he was currently in a very dangerous period.
Tang Feiliu sat down instead. Smiling, he said, "You know, actually, I heard about you when I was very young..."
Those were young Lance's memories. When Lance was born, the Duke was still imprisoned in the tower. As Lance grew older, he overheard adults discussing the Demon Child. Some claimed the Demon Child had black hair and eyes, even a black heart. Others said he was Satan's offspring, born to destroy the world. If he wasn't killed, York's future would be doomed...
Hearing Tang Feiliu recount these old tales, Edward's expression grew stiff and tense. Tang Feiliu knelt upright, gently caressing Edward's face. His lake-blue eyes met Edward's directly as he lowered his voice to a soft whisper: Listen, I don't care if you're the Devil's Child. To me, you're just Edward—a picky eater who hates chili peppers but loves sweets... No arguing," Tang Feiliu said with a smile. "And I'm no angel either. I grew up in the countryside of your domain, my father a minor squire. I only ever saw my mother in oil paintings. I never liked sports as a child, Then I came to York and met you. We ate together, had afternoon tea together, and now we even sleep together. I love Black Swan Castle, I love this estate, I love everything here... But what I love most, what I love most of all, is you, Your Grace."
Tang Feiliu couldn't sense how radiant he appeared in Edward's eyes at that moment. He carried a soft, gentle glow that eased the tension in Edward's nerves.
Edward cleared his throat and murmured suddenly, "I know." He clasped Tang Feiliu's hands in his own and whispered, "...Do you know? I'm terrified of you leaving. It might sound utterly nonsensical, but that day—you know the day—I dreamt of you. I dreamt I kissed you, and then... then your golden hair suddenly turned black in an instant... Your hair, your eyes, everything turned black... Though your appearance changed, I knew... it was you. I was so afraid..."
Tang Feiliu's eyes widened in shock. Listening to Edward's description, wasn't that exactly his modern appearance?! Was there some kind of magic in this timeline? He had come to this world, and yet Edward had dreamed of his true form without any hints or suspicions!
"I was terrified... if this was God warning me that being with you would corrupt me, drag me into hell... mmm..." Edward murmured softly, only to be abruptly silenced by Tang Feiliu's passionate kiss.
The slender Tang Feiliu effortlessly pushed the sturdy Duke Edward down. After a wonderful kiss ended, Tang Feiliu smiled and said to the Duke beneath him, "...Actually, I've said it countless times: black hair and black eyes aren't the mark of a demon. The traveler I read about mentioned that in the distant Eastern Land of Gold, all the people there have black hair and black eyes. They're all very wealthy and happy... The me you dreamt of might have been my past life? After all, when I read that travelogue, I felt as though I should have been born there."
"Really?" Edward gazed at Tang Feiliu before him. Just as this tender moment unfolded, Tang Feiliu felt an awkward tingle begin to spread where her bottom rested—clearly, the Duke himself had sensed it too.
Now Tang Feiliu finally understood what had been troubling Edward lately, and his mood lifted considerably... Though Edward's issues weren't something that could be resolved overnight, as long as they didn't severely disrupt their daily life, Tang Feiliu was more than willing to gradually build his sense of security. When he embraced the duke, Tang Feiliu realized he had resolved to hold someone who might not be entirely mentally sound, but he had the patience and was mentally prepared. Now that Edward's deepest knot had finally been untangled, Tang Feiliu also recognized something: His Lordship the Duke harbored a deep-seated fear of intimacy. It likely stemmed from childhood abandonment, leaving him perpetually insecure within close relationships and prone to severe sensitivity and suspicion. Before Tang Feiliu and he had formed an intimate bond, things were manageable. But once Edward realized he truly possessed this person, his unease became far more pronounced.
In such circumstances, providing reassurance was crucial. Yet for various reasons, Edward never truly felt he possessed Tang Feiliu. Tang Feiliu understood his actions were justified—his body was still developing by modern standards, especially since Lance was a child with congenital issues.
Still, Tang Feiliu didn't mind offering the gentle, restrained Duke a little sweetness.
"Don't move!" Tang Feiliu smiled and blinked his eyes. With his blond hair, blue eyes, and white robe, he appeared slender and delicate. Yet, his slender hand pressed against the duke's chest. Without exerting any force, it froze the demon duke—dressed in black formal attire and looking fiercely menacing—stiff and motionless. He allowed his other white hand to slide inside the duke's belt.
"Lance!" Duke Edward's eyes widened.
"I said don't move!" The angelic-looking youth grinned mischievously, radiating beauty and purity. Yet beneath his palm, the demon dared not stir, forcing himself to stay tense and restrained. He fought the urge to roll over and crush this frail yet playful creature beneath him.
The summer sun felt wonderfully warm. Outside, the wheat ears had ripened. Farmers chatted loudly, discussing newly issued regulations and their savings. Serfs debated which families could redeem their children, which strong laborers would gain freedom. Women chatted about homes to relocate for city development, household savings, down payments for houses, and the new city. Children discussed their parents' recent generosity. Lance and his well-off friends talked about York's sweet bread... But what everyone spoke of most was the wheat and potatoes waiting to be harvested in the fields.
York seemed poised to welcome its first true year of bountiful harvest.
Author's Note:
My cold seems to have finally cleared up, though I still have a bit of a cough.
This happens every time—a cold drags on for two weeks. I absolutely hate colds! Everyone, please take care of yourselves.